They can take the Fireworks out of the City but not out of my blog.

Grab a chair, turn off the lights, turn up the sound, put it on full screen. My gift to you. Happy 4th of July.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx7aPbt2TRI

Keeping the faith

Keeping the faith while everything around you is falling apart. So much easier said then done. "I will pray for you" we often say or you need to trust in Jesus, he'll take care of you. Today, I remember the words(not perfectly) but something like what ever you do for the lease of my brothers you do unto me. I think of Jesus teaching the crowds that where hungry for answers. They wanted to be healed, they wanted him to answer their prayers and he said when you feed, cloth, love others you are feeding me, clothing me and loving me. I think we miss the true message. Yes, pray for others needs but then roll up your sleeves and get to business and help Jesus to help those who need help. He will provide for you as you provide for others.
Often we want to save the world but we over look the ones that are right under our own noses. Those that are in our own flock. We judge our giving by their behavior. Jesus did things for others out of love, he brings people to him with love. We live in a world that is into "tough love" and sometimes we have to use that kind of love. Yet, I wonder if gentle commitment doesn't say more. If Jesus turned his back on us every time we sinned, or withheld his help when we are living a life that is not Godly, I fear that nobody would want that kind of "savior." He comes to us where we are. He spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well, who had seven husbands in a gentle way. I could almost see him smile at her. To me he was saying, I know everything about you and I still want to give you the Water of Life. He didn't say, hey clean up your act sister and then I'll help you. No, He offered her a gift that would give her the strength to change her life. He told her to go and sin no more, he knew she wouldn't walk away and never, ever make another mistake. He knew she would need that Living Water everyday of her life. He preached on how to live our lives day in and day out. We need the Bible and the words he taught like a daily dose of medicine. We also need his graces to love those who are caught up in the world, with all of it's sin and trials. We need His heart to help those that are less capable of grasping his words.
I like many do not want to give up my time or my money to those that I judge as less deserving because they have not reached the level that I feel they should be at. I can only believe that I am living the words of Jesus. "Love one another, as I have loved you." I can only trust that the seeds I plant will survive in the weeds of their life. I can only hope that my help will maybe make it alittle easier for someone to start picking the weeds out of their lives by lessening some of their burdens.
Maybe my thinking is all wrong. I don't know. Maybe, I am blinded by a heart filled with compassion and love. Maybe, I am misunderstanding the message of the Gospel but
I trust that the Holy Spirit is leading me. Until I hear differently from Jesus, I am going to try as best as I can "to love others, as He has and does love me.
May the peace and love of Jesus guide us all.

My Mom's Favorite Prayer

In Loving Memory
Viola B. Keel
9/28/28 to 6/30/08
Rest in Peace Mom

UNFAILING PRAYER TO ST. ANTHONY


THIS PRAYER IS PART OF THE CONFIDENCE PRAYER AND IS ALSO KNOWN AS THE SHORT NOVENA PRAYER:
IT IS PROBABLY THE MOST LOVED OF ALL PRAYERS TO ST. ANTHONY

"Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints"

O Holy St. Anthony, gentlest of Saints, thy love for God and Charity for His creatures, made thee worthy, when on earth, to possess miraculous powers. Encouraged by this thought, I implore thee to obtain for me (request). O gentle and loving St. Anthony, whose heart was ever full of human sympathy, whisper my petition into the ears of the sweet Infant Jesus, Who didst love to be folded in thine arms; and the gratitude of my heart will ever be thine. Amen.

Just Maybe....

Tonight I have been searching the Internet for Catholic Blogs with a scrappy kind of twist. I haven't found anything. So I have been thinking, maybe, just maybe that's what I should do. I already do in lots of ways. I talk about God, my family and everyday life. So, Jesus, if this is what you want me to do I know you will give me the words to write. I trust you.
Today is the day my mom went to be with Jesus a year ago. I so much wish that she could come back. I miss her so much. I can still see her face, her hands and all the expressions that she used to make. Her face told a thousand untold words. My mom, even at age 79 never loss her spunk. You never knew what to expect out of her. I loved when her eyes danced with mischief. I get my quirky sense of mischief from her and I see it in Cassidy's (my granddaughter) eyes too. What I long for most is to put my head on her lap and have her stroke my hair as she often did when things just were not going right for me. I miss that touch more than anything. I now pass on that love to Cassidy. I know that she can feel it, as she reaches for me and lays her head on my shoulder. How I love her.
My mom was a traditional Catholic in many ways. She prayed the old prayers that she was taught as a child. She prayed for everyone. I have often wandered away from my Catholic hertiage only to return again and again. Maybe our choir doesn't sound like a rock concert, our Alleluia 's and Amens aren't quite as loud and our Mass doesn't usually get us all warm and fuzzy. We are quite, dedicated followers of Christ. Our faith comes from the debt of our souls. We are faithful in the quite resting place of Jesus. Often times we are judged harshly by other Christians and the media. I know many Christians that can re site the bible and I also know many Catholics that live the words. Sometimes knowing is a long bridge away from showing.
I know that I don't have to explain my Catholic faith because this is my blog and I can write what I want (LOL). Just kidding. I am not trying to convert anyone, nor do I want to be converted. So, as they say in AA, take what you want and leave the rest.
May the peace and love of Jesus bring you the comfort and joy that your heart desires.

What we leave behind

Last night I posted on my blog something that I started in May and finished last night called Summer Blessings. I received alot of feedback on this piece. Thanks to all of you who take the time to read my blog and share your thoughts with me. The more and more I thought of my Dad today and how so many bits and pieces of him live on though me. He has not died, he has just passed on. It's amazing how someone who really was in my life for such a short time could give me so many beautiful things. Things that I cherish about myself. The me I love the best. I truly take after my father more than anyone else in my life.
You know, today I thought about how it's not so much of what we do in this life time but what we leave behind. What will you be remembered for? What will Chris and Cassidy think about me? What legacy am I creating? What will remind them of me? I know that like my father I have made many choices that have complicated my life and those who around me. For those things I am truly sorry. I have asked forgiveness and I am so grateful for a son who is understanding and supportive of me. His love for me is true...it holds no wrongs. He forgives and he has forgotten. Rare for anyone to do but he has that gift and it has blessed me.
I wonder what our lives would be like if we looked for those gifts in those around us. If we saw pass the mistakes, the sometimes unkind words or actions and focused in on what it is about them that we love so much. Those things that they have blessed our lives with. Maybe it's the way they say something, or the way they laugh, or the way they forgive or their love for books, animals or children. It's there. As Thomas Merton said "No man is in Island". Everything we do affects those around us and that means good and evil. God did not make us to be alone and He just didn't throw us together. The bible said's that "He knit us in our mother's womb." It wasn't one of those....a little of this, a little of that and a dash of this for good measure No we where well thought of way before the beginning of time. We where formed thoughtfully and lovingly. More like "Aw a little more sensitivity, a little less anger and a hint of humor. She is beautiful and unique. I will give her some of her fathers and mothers traits because I love them and I need her to carry on their legacy with her own unique twist. After all I have a plan that still is not complete." Maybe this is why generation after generation has similar traits and talents. We casually say is so often "He takes after his grandfather, she takes after her mother."
So what will we leave behind? What will remind you of me? Maybe that would be a interesting question to ask those around you. Be prepared what they say might just surprise you!

Summer Blessings

The weather is finally warming up which means long hours of weeding and planting. I plant all kinds of flowers and a few veggies. My world is colored in pink, purple, yellow and green. Yesterday I was standing at my table outside planting a few hanging baskets. I was humming as I often do when I am in my own little world so peaceful and content. A red bird joined me in my song. There he sat perched on a branch of the tree that I was standing under. He was singing his song. I couldn't help but smile and thank God for this day. For this moment. I stood in total awe as I looked around and saw with eyes of graditude the beauty of nature. My yard is like my secret garden. I have put long loving hours creating what I feel is beautiul, peaceful and tranquil. Sometimes a deer will join me, or a squirrel, a bunny or like today a bird. God uses my hands to help create his beautiful world.
My dad loved working in the yard. He grew beautiful roses in our backyard and all kinds of vegetables in his gardens. It is when I work in my yard that I feel close to him. As I dig in the earth, add new soil and plant a petunia, germanium or a roses bush. It's as if his hands our covering mine...guiding me. I can see him as if he is kneeling beside me...smiling. He had such a big smile...just like I do. It's like he and I are bonded. Father and daughter. I belong to him at that moment. I am all grown up now. A woman. I am older now than the years he lived but when I am in my gardens I am that child once again. I am his child..his daughter. I am Buddy's little girl. I am so thankful that he comes to spend time with me here. He knew where to meet me. Was I born with this love or did he give it to me as a gift? Like a going away present. It doesn't matter because I know my love for flowers comes from him. My desire to create beauty comes from him. It is his gift to me. I was young when my dad died, only fifteen. I didn't know him well. I only knew what I saw. I saw good and I saw bad. There is no other way to put it. It just was. My sister and brother where given things that belonged to him, a pipe, a flag, a clock and some clothing. I didn't get things. I was to young at the time to know or even to say I want this or that. It makes me sad sometimes. That I don't have something that I can hold that came from him. Something that physically makes his life real to me. That's all forgotten when I am in my garden. The material gifts far from my mind. I bask in his love for nature. I unwrap the greatest present I could ever need or want from him and that is to create beauty from simple dirt and a handful of tiny seeds. I see his smile and I hear his voice gently say to me "It looks beautiful". "Daddy is so proud of his little girl."

Quotes

Memorial Day Comments

Without April Shower's there would be no May Flowers

Here I am, crawling on the floor at the local Library. I never thought I would see the library from this view. Especially at my age. Especially not with my granddaughter. I could of never dreamed of what having a granddaugher would be like nor of the lenghts I would go for her. Cassidy and I joined a class at the library. We learn songs, dance and even learn sign language. Of course a 17 month old is not going to sit through this so off I go. Sometimes on foot, sometimes on my knees. Today I can feel the rug burns on these aging knees. I also can feel the smile on my face as I remember how much fun we had. How cute she looked. How proud I was when she followed directions. How neat it was to see her share toys. Small, yes, in the great big world very small, in my world, big, very big.
Grandchildren are like your children but a whole lot better! Sorry kids. We just had to much on our minds. Bills to pay, jobs to keep, housework, yardwork, the list goes on and on. Oh, it's not that we didn't enjoy our children because we most certainly did. I have so many fun memories and so does Chris. He will say to me "Remember when you woke me up at midnight because you made my favorite cookies?". "Remember when we use to play Burger King drive thru at our kitchen window?" "Remember how we use to place the baby Jesus in the manager on Christmas morning and sing "Happy Birthday to Jesus" before we could open our gifts?" "Remember when you dressed up like Cindy Bear at Yogi Bear park when we went camping?" The list goes on and on, thankfully.
Chris taught me how to use a computer, play soccer, golf, basketball and baseball. Mostly he taught me how to love. With him I experienced how big my heart could be.He taught me how deep love can be and lasting. No matter what. He forgave me for my shortcomings and loved me inspite of them.
Grandchildren is my do over. Yes, I get to do it all over again. Hopefully a little wiser even if I am a little slower. I see life through different eyes now even if I view with tri-focals. It's clearer now. Most of all I get to experience girls things. Like tea parties and baby dolls. Pink dresses and ribbions. White lace socks and MaryJane shoes. I love it all.
So here I am again and I am truly amazed that this old heart can stretch a little more as Cassidy stretches her arms to me. My smile grows a little wider each time I hear her say "Na" her name for me. Tears of joy each time she hugs me and gives me her tiny little kisses.

I just love reading those stories of love reunions. You know the ones about high school sweethearts that reunite after 30, 40, 50 years. They usually show a picture of them at 17 years old and a picture of them together now. They look like two kids finding the prize at the bottom of the Cracker Jack Box. Especially back in the day when the prizes where good. Their eyes seem to be dancing. It's almost like the years in between didn't happen. It's like they didn't see each other for 3 days instead of 30 years.
I think we all like a story like that. It reminds us of that special someone that we had in our lives. That first love. The one that we learned what love is and what it can do to you. We remember the flutters in our stomach. The excitement of hearing their voice or holding their hands. The tears and the laughter. It's when we moved from one chapter of our life to another.
Those loves often get away. We are usually to young to be able handle a relationship like that. We have so much more living to do and lessons to learn to prepare us for our journey. I would like to believe that God had a reason, but I also know to well, that God lets us make our own choices. I know I choose my path in life. Some of the choices where good, some where a mistake and some where made just out of convenient's The convenient ones have been the hardest to live with. You know, the old story...if I only knew, what I know now...I would of......
I think those first loves sort of set the standard for those yet to come. We decide whether they measure up or not.
I know for myself that my first love was a tough act to follow. He was funny, kind and loved me totally. We where just kids but with adult hearts. We had one foot in adulthood and one in childhood. We moved in different directions and like so many others we kept the memories alive. We all have our stories to tell. We all have a little desire deep inside, hoping that someday we will meet again. Maybe run into each other somewhere. Say "Hi, you look good". "How has life treated you?" "I hope it has been kind to you." We truly still care about their well being. It's important to us that they are happy. After a while we will say "Good-bye" and return home to our families with soft memories of years gone by.
I am so grateful for the love of my youth. He helped me to become who I am today. Sure my life had it's moments but who I am was never lost. My way of loving and my sense of humor always remained. So if you see me on the street, you'll noticed I am a little shorter(bone loss), a little fatter(menopause), have a few lines on my face(worries and laughter), my hair might be a little lighter(covering up the gray)and my walk might not have the little bounce I once had(arthritis)but deep down I am the same girl that you once knew. That will never change.

Bev and Denise

You often see signs, plaques and posters with sayings like My Sister, My Best Friend. My sister and I have had our ups and downs. The downs have been few and the ups have been often. There is no one I can talk with like I can talk with her. We laugh until we cry and we cry until we can laugh. We know what the other one is thinking and we know what the other one needs. We can step on each others words and sometimes feelings but it's okay because we know we are safe.
We have been known as Thelma and Louise, Lucy and Ethel and Laverne and Shirley. We have been asked to leave unless we can pull ourselves together. We have been stared at, laughed at and once someone even refused to go out with us.(We didn't want him with us anyway) We fought as teenages and now we fight for each other. We support each other even if we know we are wrong. That's because we can. It's as simple as that.
We both lived in the same city for years. We would often see two sisters walking around the neighbor. We watched them from middle age to old age. They always wore the same cloths, carried the same purse and parted their hair on the same side. We would always turn to each other when we saw them on the street and just give a look a knowing look, no words where necessary. They where are role models. That's what we are going to be like. Someday we will dress a like, carry the same purse, where our hair the same and we decided we will walk the same type of dog too. We will be inseparable. We already are. We've made it though childhood together, through boyfriends, husbands, kids, dogs and now grandchildren. Our relationship has out lived any other relationship that we have had and it always will. We understand each other where far few would look deep enough. So we can laugh and get out a hand after all we are Sisters and more than that we are Best Friends.

Yesterday I called Chris and Renee and asked them "Can Cassidy come over and play today?". I am very blessed because they always say "yes". They know how much I love her. When I walked in their house Cassidy saw me and a great big smile was on her face. Then she started to do the "Nana Dance". She was running around in circles and jumping up in down.It's like she is singing "My Nana's here, My Nana's here". I swear I could feel Love Droplets falling down like rain all around me and on me. It's incredible. Chris and Renee just watch us but they can't come in. It's our special secret bond that we share. Sort of like a secret handshake or password you need to get in. How can such a little person have such a big affect on me. After all I am fifty now. I have been there and done it all by now accept now it is with Cassidy. Everyday is like a new beginning with her. It's all new. A brand new adventure started from the first day I saw her and what an adventure it is becoming.
She's got spunk in her at the age of 17 months. She knows how to tease you, butter you up and she knows how to get into trouble. Then she smiles and giggles and she knows she's got you right where she wants you.
My favorite time is when she reaches up for me to hold her and she hugs me and pats my back. It's like she is saying "it's going to be okay Nana". I am here. A kiss is an extra bonus. Yes, you actually feel privileged if you get one with out asking.
I look at her and wonder what will she be like at five, fifteen, twenty? Her personality is already formed, you can see that. What will she do with it? Will I always make her do the Nana Dance? Will we always share are special secret bond?
I will always be there for her. I will always let her know that she is special and loved. I will always let her know that her heart is safe with me. I will bake her favorite cookies, fix her hair and share my life and experiences with her.
I thank God for her. God gave me a special gift to enjoy in my later years. What a special husband I have who supports and loves me as I enjoy my adult childhood. He encourages me to live my life fully. To enjoy my family and to seek my interest. In these last few years I have been doubly blessed.
I have been given a second chance at life. To live the life I always longed for. Thank you God, for loving me so much that you wanted to fulfill my dreams. You love me through the people in my life: Pat, Cassidy, Chris, Renee,David, Cheryl, Lauren, Kevin, Denise, Jay, Jaquie, Josh, Dale, Joanne, Zach, Maddie, Max and Angel. You love me through my special friends, especially Estelle. My world is full now. I feel loved and cared for. I can't help but smile. I can't help but laugh. Somedays I run in circles and jump up and down and do the "God Dance" and sing God is here, God is here.