Valentine Day

I bought these Roses for myself today. I thought they where so beautiful and at $1.99 quite a bargin.

Only twelve more days to Valentine's Day. I know, I even count the days.Many would call me pathetic. My windows are covered with hearts and lights. This is big for me. This is important stuff. While I'm driving I look for other houses that reflect the same passion that I have for this day. When I see hearts and lights in their windows I nod with a knowing nod and smile.
Yes, Valentine Day is my favorite holiday. Many don't consider it a holiday but I do. When I first told my husband that Valentine Day is my favorite holiday he rolled his eyes. As they say timing is everything and I told him right after Christmas. His reply was "You just love getting gifts. Everyday is your favorite holiday". This is not true. My love for this day started a long time ago.
When I was alittle girl we use to give Valentine's to each other in school. We use to make pockets to hang on our desk like a little mailbox. It seemed that the most popular kids got the most Valentines. I was not that kid...ever! I was very shy for most of my school years. I had friends but not alot of them. Sometimes I would feel bad if I didn't get a Valentine from someone I secretly admired or wanted to be friends with. I know most who read this had the same experience. I know now that most of us our pretty much the same. I know I wasn't the only kid picked last on the team just the only one in my grade at my school!
My time with my dad was only for a few years here and there. Yet, my love for roses and for Valentine's Day is because of him. He grew the most beautiful roses in our back yard and he remembered Valentine's Day. He would give my mom, sister and me a small box of candy in a heart shaped box. I thought this was the best, much better than getting a Valentine card from some kid at school. It didn't matter for at least that day if I belonged because on Valentine Day I belonged to the girls group at home. My dad saw us as his girls and I was part of that group. I would keep that little heart shaped box long after the few chocolates where eaten. I would decorate it and keep little treasures in it and every time I opened it I would smell the chocolate.
Even now, 35 years later when I see those little boxes and the smell the chocolate in them it brings me back to that time. It was a day or maybe just a moment when my life was good and I felt loved. I felt loved by my dad. It's sort of sad but I didn't really know him well. I didn't share the bond with him that I think many girls share with their fathers. He came back into my life when I was around eight or nine after a four year absence. I was unsure of him and just because I called him dad it did not make me love him. It just doesn't work that way. He was a stranger. So I think I spend the next few years that he was alive somewhat afraid and at a slight distance from him. What I find most interesting about this relationship is that so much of who I am and what I like about myself is from him. I have so many of his gifts, talents and even personality. How does this happen? I know I was aware of who he was, what he was doing but is this also something you are born with? I don't know. He died when I was fifteen three days after Valentine's Day.
I think that this day is so important to me because I want to know that I am loved in a special way. I want to feel like that little girl again. I also want others to know how special they are. I want to let them know that they are unique and loved. That somebody does see them. They are not just a face in the crowd. They matter.
God, our true father sees us like this. I hear he loves us like every day is Valentine Day. He doesn't give us a heart shape box of chocolates but he does give us his heart. He sees us everyday as his little girls (and boys) and we do belong to the group. His family.
I still have a hard time believing that God does love me like this. I am trying but somethings go so deep but I know that this is why I try to make others feel loved and wanted. I don't want anyone to walk away from me wondering if they are good enough and loved.
Happy Valentine's Day to each one of you. All of the loves in my life. You make my world. You are my best gifts. You are like a bouquet of the most beautiful and fragrant roses ever grown.