Quotes

Memorial Day Comments

Without April Shower's there would be no May Flowers

Here I am, crawling on the floor at the local Library. I never thought I would see the library from this view. Especially at my age. Especially not with my granddaughter. I could of never dreamed of what having a granddaugher would be like nor of the lenghts I would go for her. Cassidy and I joined a class at the library. We learn songs, dance and even learn sign language. Of course a 17 month old is not going to sit through this so off I go. Sometimes on foot, sometimes on my knees. Today I can feel the rug burns on these aging knees. I also can feel the smile on my face as I remember how much fun we had. How cute she looked. How proud I was when she followed directions. How neat it was to see her share toys. Small, yes, in the great big world very small, in my world, big, very big.
Grandchildren are like your children but a whole lot better! Sorry kids. We just had to much on our minds. Bills to pay, jobs to keep, housework, yardwork, the list goes on and on. Oh, it's not that we didn't enjoy our children because we most certainly did. I have so many fun memories and so does Chris. He will say to me "Remember when you woke me up at midnight because you made my favorite cookies?". "Remember when we use to play Burger King drive thru at our kitchen window?" "Remember how we use to place the baby Jesus in the manager on Christmas morning and sing "Happy Birthday to Jesus" before we could open our gifts?" "Remember when you dressed up like Cindy Bear at Yogi Bear park when we went camping?" The list goes on and on, thankfully.
Chris taught me how to use a computer, play soccer, golf, basketball and baseball. Mostly he taught me how to love. With him I experienced how big my heart could be.He taught me how deep love can be and lasting. No matter what. He forgave me for my shortcomings and loved me inspite of them.
Grandchildren is my do over. Yes, I get to do it all over again. Hopefully a little wiser even if I am a little slower. I see life through different eyes now even if I view with tri-focals. It's clearer now. Most of all I get to experience girls things. Like tea parties and baby dolls. Pink dresses and ribbions. White lace socks and MaryJane shoes. I love it all.
So here I am again and I am truly amazed that this old heart can stretch a little more as Cassidy stretches her arms to me. My smile grows a little wider each time I hear her say "Na" her name for me. Tears of joy each time she hugs me and gives me her tiny little kisses.

I just love reading those stories of love reunions. You know the ones about high school sweethearts that reunite after 30, 40, 50 years. They usually show a picture of them at 17 years old and a picture of them together now. They look like two kids finding the prize at the bottom of the Cracker Jack Box. Especially back in the day when the prizes where good. Their eyes seem to be dancing. It's almost like the years in between didn't happen. It's like they didn't see each other for 3 days instead of 30 years.
I think we all like a story like that. It reminds us of that special someone that we had in our lives. That first love. The one that we learned what love is and what it can do to you. We remember the flutters in our stomach. The excitement of hearing their voice or holding their hands. The tears and the laughter. It's when we moved from one chapter of our life to another.
Those loves often get away. We are usually to young to be able handle a relationship like that. We have so much more living to do and lessons to learn to prepare us for our journey. I would like to believe that God had a reason, but I also know to well, that God lets us make our own choices. I know I choose my path in life. Some of the choices where good, some where a mistake and some where made just out of convenient's The convenient ones have been the hardest to live with. You know, the old story...if I only knew, what I know now...I would of......
I think those first loves sort of set the standard for those yet to come. We decide whether they measure up or not.
I know for myself that my first love was a tough act to follow. He was funny, kind and loved me totally. We where just kids but with adult hearts. We had one foot in adulthood and one in childhood. We moved in different directions and like so many others we kept the memories alive. We all have our stories to tell. We all have a little desire deep inside, hoping that someday we will meet again. Maybe run into each other somewhere. Say "Hi, you look good". "How has life treated you?" "I hope it has been kind to you." We truly still care about their well being. It's important to us that they are happy. After a while we will say "Good-bye" and return home to our families with soft memories of years gone by.
I am so grateful for the love of my youth. He helped me to become who I am today. Sure my life had it's moments but who I am was never lost. My way of loving and my sense of humor always remained. So if you see me on the street, you'll noticed I am a little shorter(bone loss), a little fatter(menopause), have a few lines on my face(worries and laughter), my hair might be a little lighter(covering up the gray)and my walk might not have the little bounce I once had(arthritis)but deep down I am the same girl that you once knew. That will never change.

Bev and Denise

You often see signs, plaques and posters with sayings like My Sister, My Best Friend. My sister and I have had our ups and downs. The downs have been few and the ups have been often. There is no one I can talk with like I can talk with her. We laugh until we cry and we cry until we can laugh. We know what the other one is thinking and we know what the other one needs. We can step on each others words and sometimes feelings but it's okay because we know we are safe.
We have been known as Thelma and Louise, Lucy and Ethel and Laverne and Shirley. We have been asked to leave unless we can pull ourselves together. We have been stared at, laughed at and once someone even refused to go out with us.(We didn't want him with us anyway) We fought as teenages and now we fight for each other. We support each other even if we know we are wrong. That's because we can. It's as simple as that.
We both lived in the same city for years. We would often see two sisters walking around the neighbor. We watched them from middle age to old age. They always wore the same cloths, carried the same purse and parted their hair on the same side. We would always turn to each other when we saw them on the street and just give a look a knowing look, no words where necessary. They where are role models. That's what we are going to be like. Someday we will dress a like, carry the same purse, where our hair the same and we decided we will walk the same type of dog too. We will be inseparable. We already are. We've made it though childhood together, through boyfriends, husbands, kids, dogs and now grandchildren. Our relationship has out lived any other relationship that we have had and it always will. We understand each other where far few would look deep enough. So we can laugh and get out a hand after all we are Sisters and more than that we are Best Friends.

Yesterday I called Chris and Renee and asked them "Can Cassidy come over and play today?". I am very blessed because they always say "yes". They know how much I love her. When I walked in their house Cassidy saw me and a great big smile was on her face. Then she started to do the "Nana Dance". She was running around in circles and jumping up in down.It's like she is singing "My Nana's here, My Nana's here". I swear I could feel Love Droplets falling down like rain all around me and on me. It's incredible. Chris and Renee just watch us but they can't come in. It's our special secret bond that we share. Sort of like a secret handshake or password you need to get in. How can such a little person have such a big affect on me. After all I am fifty now. I have been there and done it all by now accept now it is with Cassidy. Everyday is like a new beginning with her. It's all new. A brand new adventure started from the first day I saw her and what an adventure it is becoming.
She's got spunk in her at the age of 17 months. She knows how to tease you, butter you up and she knows how to get into trouble. Then she smiles and giggles and she knows she's got you right where she wants you.
My favorite time is when she reaches up for me to hold her and she hugs me and pats my back. It's like she is saying "it's going to be okay Nana". I am here. A kiss is an extra bonus. Yes, you actually feel privileged if you get one with out asking.
I look at her and wonder what will she be like at five, fifteen, twenty? Her personality is already formed, you can see that. What will she do with it? Will I always make her do the Nana Dance? Will we always share are special secret bond?
I will always be there for her. I will always let her know that she is special and loved. I will always let her know that her heart is safe with me. I will bake her favorite cookies, fix her hair and share my life and experiences with her.
I thank God for her. God gave me a special gift to enjoy in my later years. What a special husband I have who supports and loves me as I enjoy my adult childhood. He encourages me to live my life fully. To enjoy my family and to seek my interest. In these last few years I have been doubly blessed.
I have been given a second chance at life. To live the life I always longed for. Thank you God, for loving me so much that you wanted to fulfill my dreams. You love me through the people in my life: Pat, Cassidy, Chris, Renee,David, Cheryl, Lauren, Kevin, Denise, Jay, Jaquie, Josh, Dale, Joanne, Zach, Maddie, Max and Angel. You love me through my special friends, especially Estelle. My world is full now. I feel loved and cared for. I can't help but smile. I can't help but laugh. Somedays I run in circles and jump up and down and do the "God Dance" and sing God is here, God is here.

glitter-graphics.com

I write about things that are close to my heart. I write about the people and things that matter the most to me. Nothing mind blowing. No new information here. The things I write about are things that we already know about but in the busyness of our lives we lose sight of them. I am finding out how simple everything really is. I am amazed on how complicated I can make things. I can look to deep. Seek to much information. Truly I say to myself "that's it, it's that easy?". I noticed that I read shorter books and get more out of them. I prefer a quote over a long paragraph now. I realized that I can get more out of less. It's not instant gratification that I am seeking. It's just that I can spend more time seeking the answers or learning how than on the actually living. I have always read a lot. For years I spent much of my life learning about and seeking God. I thought the more I learned about God the closer I would be with Him. The more real he would become. If I just had all of the answers. If I just knew how to reach Him. I spent so much time reading and seeking it left little time for actually talking to Him or praying. I realize now that all He wants is for us to talk to Him. Nothing grand or fancy. No magical formula. No special words. Just talk. I read somewhere recently, when you realize that you are actually talking to someone, God will become real. Praying will become real. Now when I pray I do not seek any type of feeling as a sign that God is with me. I do not seek any feelings that I am doing this right. I just talk and pray as if God is sitting right in front of me....and He is. I am not talking to someone who is way out there somewhere. He is as close to me as my own breath. I find this type of prayer difficult yet because it's new. It's new for me not to beg, or tell God what to do, how to fix it. It's new not to look for signs and wonders. I like it. It's simple. No pressure on me or believe it or not on God to perform.
I have goals in my heart and head. That is where they stay too. I spend so much time thinking about them. Figuring out how to make them happen that I don't follow though to actually doing them. As you can see, I spend a lot of time in the learning process and then I have the excuse that I don't have enough time to act on them. It's like working so hard to set the stage in a play perfectly before you can act on it.
It's all about simplicity. It's all about actually doing it. It's all about throwing out the how and all about now.
I do write from my heart about things that I need to be reminded of. I am teaching myself and if someone who reads it gets it too that's a bonus.
We live in a world that is full of pain and suffering. The news if full of murder, greed and a falling economy. My goal is not to bury our heads in the sand or deny what is happening but it is to take you away from it for just a moment or two. It is to remind myself and possibly you, of what really matters and how we can make our life and our loves ones a little brighter right where we are.