Welcome

Well, I did it again. I don't know what I did or how I missed the mark. What I mean is that I said something wrong or maybe it was at the wrong time or the wrong day, or the wrong way. Pat and I decided that from now on we just need to agree with everything our kids say. That's what they want. Really. Just a "yes", "wow", "that's great". When I think about it I did it to my mom too.
I think we always look to our parents as our rock. The one safe place to go. The one we can tell all, and they will always agree and support us. No matter how old we are we are still looking for their okay. We want to hear it's safe, your okay. I'm here. When we don't get that it seems to illuminate our own insecurities. The doubts that sometimes we don't even know are there.
I never realized how rough this can be on a person. Boy, I know now. It's like your a little bobbing dog on the rear dash board and just one wrong turn and you tip over. Down. Down and out.
This really came to light after my mom died. Almost everyday something happens and I want to tell my mom. Just pass it by her. I just want her to listen. I tell Pat and I tell Denise, my sister but something is still missing. I don't feel complete. It just doesn't do it. I need to tell my mom. It could be a problem but not just then. I long to call her and tell her when something special has happen. Lately I want to share Cassidy with her. I want her to see her, hear her. I want to share my joy. I know my mom would just love her. Even in my mom's last days her eyes would smile when I would talk to her about Cassidy. Yes, we need to know that our parents are our number one fan.
I know that Chris knows that my heart is always with him. I know it hurts sometimes when I don't agree. I don't always give the right answer. Sometimes I talk to much. I often try to fix things to make them all better. Like sticking a bandage on sore. I try to heal but I have come to realize that a bandage only covers, protects but it doesn't do the healing. That comes from within. No matter how good our intentions are. Healing comes in its own way, its own time and through the lessons we learn along the way. Lessons that do have to be learned on our own.
I think the best thing we can give our children is the assurance that they have what it takes, they can do it and they are worthy. I also believe that this is one of those things that has no maturity date. No expiration. No rain checks. Its for now and its forever. When ever that forever is.